1. Cut your hair every now and then. Fresh starts are always nicer than you think. Who needs split ends anyways.
2. Pick a song you really like. Listen to that song a lot. And I mean a lot. Dance around your room naked to that song, beat the song lifeless till it annoys the hell out of you. Then pick a new song and go through the same process. We all need to really hear music, we need to understand what the song we are listening to is really about.
3. Paint your toes black, make it as perfect as possible. Then, scratch it off. Remember nothing is permanent.
4. Go on a run with your dog. Try to race him and beat him. Realize you can out run many things. Then go back and pet your dog, realize that some things you need to go back for.
5. Decorate a plain backpack. Glue on sparkles, glitter, diamonds, newspaper and magazine clippings, lace & ribbon, anything else that may fancy you. Remember, you don’t have to be the same person you were a minute ago.
6. Buy some pretty lights and string them up in your room. Turn off all the lights except for one when you go to bed. Remember it isn’t always dark and lonely. Change your perspective.
7. Lay outside one night. Breathe in breathe out. Accept that you are only one person and cannot do everything at one time. You can take your time. The creator of the stars you’re looking up at did not do it all in one day. Pace yourself.
8. Get up every morning and stand in front of the mirror. Naked, fully clothed, backwards, upside down, who cares how, just do it. Observe yourself. Notice the wrinkles under your eyes from laughing a lot. Count your freckles. Admire your ass. Then name 3 things you love about yourself. You need to love yourself.
Sometimes I wonder if the
nights are ever going to feel
warm and soothing instead
of cold and irritating and
I wonder if I am ever going
to be able to close my eyes
without having a million
thoughts making my
mind bleed like an
You tell me to stop comparing myself to others. But you are always comparing me to someone else. You are always telling me to throw away my “bad habits” and copy someone else.
She told me she hates alcohol as she took another shot but it burned less than all of the unsaid words rotting in her throat.
She told me she hates being alone but she never is anyway because her nightmares are always screaming and her dreams are always running.
She told me she breaks her bones for an image she will never see and she unzips her skin for people who never love her.
She told me she writes love letters to herself and she never receives them because they always get lost in the mail of her mind.
She told me her veins have bled from all of the ink she has used to draw paradise on her cracked bedroom walls.
She told me her fingers ache from all the times she has had to stitch her unraveled heart back together.
I told her I hate alcohol too but we both said cheers as we tapped our glasses together and let the rotting words in our throats wash down.
She wore flowers in her hair for the grave in her heart.
Flourish in the insignificance you have on this entire earth. You can dye your hair purple or green. Live on the streets. Travel to Paris. Buy a tiny apartment in New York City. Hitchhike. Buy an old house with creaky floorboards. Throw away your cellphone and live in a cabin. Go off the grid. Ride on a train all night. Learn a foreign language. Save until you are rich. Donate until you are poor. Go to the other side of the world. Ride a bus its entire route. Drive until you run out of gas. Go skydiving. Ride a plane to Japan. Work at an old-fashioned diner. Buy an old camera and take pictures until you run out of film. Live in a city with a language you can’t speak. Even when you lose it all, you don’t really lose anything at all. You only get a new canvas. This insignificance, the fact that I can start over at anytime, it calms me. Nothing is written in permanent ink, everything can be made different.
I’m afraid I’ll never finish college. I’m afraid I’ll finish college with student loans I can never pay back. I’m afraid I’ll get a degree and won’t be able to find a job in that field. I’m afraid I’ll get a degree, get the job I dreamed of, and hate it.